ummm today (once again,) im not at school. last night was horrible. i got yelled at by my step dad (go figure) for telling him to shut his pie hole, and i was laughing about it to, because i wasnt being serious at all, i was just joking around. everyone else jokes around with him saying "fuck you fucker" and other things way worse, and he doesnt take offence to it...now seriously, dont you think that thats a little on the fucked up side? he started yelling at me and told me that that language was not appropriate and to go to my room........i walked down to the basement towards my room, but then decided i had to make him feel like shit, as much as hes made me go through, i had to completely piss him off. so i went up stairs into the dining room (for those who know whats been going on in my life you will know why this offended doug so badly)and went to him and said you wanna know what the gouge on my arm is from?!?! you really wanna know???!! (by the way he had been asking about it for a day or 2 and still didnt get an answer till then) ITS FROM YOU AND YOUR SICK FUCK FOR A SON!!!! and in the moment he stared at me, got up and started slowly raising his voice until he got to the point were it looked like his neck vain was gonna explode, yelling "my sick fuck for a son!?!?!?!? huh??? huhh???? sick fuck for s son pfhh, sick for for a son, he didnt make you this way, you did it to yourself, this all started out with you!! dont blame this all on him!!!" and then he started pounding and slamming stuff i started crying, he left over to the neighbors (probably getting drunk or some shit) and then jessie P. took me out for a ride let me cry some, and had a talk with me. after i stopped crying my head was pounding really bad, and i was really dizzy, but i started to go numb of emotions, and just got tired. then when we got home doug was in bed (after arguing with my mom and being a cunt ass bastard like usual) and me and my mom were so stressed out we started to go at it, and i ended up going in my room and fell asleep. my mom didnt even bother waking me up for school today, she knew i wouldnt get up to save my life. i went to my psychiatrist for an appointment, and he made me feel so fuckin important i wanted to cry, but i knew better than that. for... since abuot 7th grade people have been telling me that im not trying hard enough im just blaming my problems on everybody else. but dr. abedi told me that he believes im trying as hard as i can, and its hard for me, and hes said he cares about me, and made me feel protected, and safe, and for once in my god damn life i felt like it was all going to be okay. then we left, came home da dada dada. and i have the desicion to either go to some special western school, of be home bound. im really leaning torwards the home bound cause the western place is about a half hour away...i dont want to be that far from my mom incase i have a problem. plus i dont wanna be around people i dont even know. id rather have someone come to my house that i know, and help me 2 hours a week with school work from my school. that way i dont have to go to school, if i were to finish the year out how its going right now, im gonna fail 10th grade, soooo homebound is for the most part the best option...i guess ill see how it goes from there.